Shadow Strike Cadre- Death Incarnate

**sunbreath** · Moderator Number of posts: 1149 Age: 16 Registration date: 2008-07-16

Okay so here goes I had another topic but thats not what the title was this one is. I hope you enjoy it.

Shadow Strike Cadre- Death Incarnate
Part 1

"Sir we've lost contact with scouting squads alpha, charlie, and gamma."

Commisar Strang turned around from his field command post's map of the region on the table. He was discussing with the others of his command squad what their plan of attack was to be.
Strang turned to the Guardsman.

"By the Emperor how is this possible?!?!," he raged, "I want a report as fast as you can damn well give it to me."

The guardsman trembled with fear as he handed a data slate to Strang.

"It contains the last known locations of all of the scouts, sir."

"Good." he replied, "Now get out of my sight I have some plans to make. We attack the city of Pledora at dusk. Those damned whatever they are will die beneath the hammer of the Emperor."
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Shas'o'ksy'm'ien'doran'b (Commander Calm Shepard) noted for his ability to herd the enemy into a prepared killing zone and executing the Mont'ka (killing blow) with precision was leading the Shadow Strike cadre with expertise to take over this world the Gue'la said they own. They called it Patron IV. But once It was taken over the Third Phase Expansion will have another successful sept under Tau Control. So far loss of lives was at a minimum but the taking of the capital city of the planet, what the Gue'la called Pledora, was easy.
Crisis teams rained form the sky above and took the City by storm and left no one alive.

The Commander turned to all of the Firewarriors behind him. His suit, which was a dark blue with ornate colors of bronze and red, inspired awe among his cadre. It wasn't all just pretty it contained some of the most deadliest equipment the Empire had to offer; it had a Cyclic Ion Blaster, Shield Generator, Vectored Retro thrusters for maneuverability and many life support systems to make sure he would be able to look over his men for a long time. He sure well planned to at least.

"Firewarriors of the great Tau Empire. Tonight the bumbling Gue'la will come here to take back this city. We do not really have need of it but we are using it as a lure to bring them out. Preparations are being made for our counter attack. We have Crisis teams of Stealth Suits and XV-8's positioned throughout the city and we have our Broadsides and Hammer Heads ready to lay waste to the tanks of the opposition. We have Skyrays ready to support our teams of Firewarriors and we have the air support of the Air Caste ready to lay waste to the enemy before they even reach us making our surprise attack that much better. This city will look deserted when we get into place but when I give the signal we will attack and stop this Gue'la infestation once and for all. FOR THE GREATER GOOD!!!"

The resounding cry of the phrase was filled with passion for the Cadre knew that this plan was flawless. The Gue'la would die tonight and it would be a glorious day for the Tau Empire.
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End of Part 1

SubtleBlatancy · Subject: Re: Shadow Strike Cadre- Death Incarnate Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:31 pm

I liked it. Some good fluff there.

My only issue was a part of the speech the C.S. gave to his men.

Quote:

We do not really have need of it but we are using it as a lure to bring them out. Preparations are being made for our counter attack.

As far as inspirational speeches go, that is not something that you, generally would want to tell your troops to get them excited. Perhaps the Tau are different, but something a little less tactically involved and a little more slandering to the Imperium would work.

Perhaps cutting out the tactical talk to the rank-and-file troopers would help, as well. The commander might give a debrief to his advisory staff or fellow leaders, but might omit this information to his troops.

That being said, you really don't have to edit anything or re-write, but this may or may not help you with writing in the future.

That, or I'm just flapping my gums over here.

Either way, it was far too short in my opinion. You can't just leave me hanging here! Gah! Hoping for more,

-S.B.

crimsonclone · Sergeant Number of posts: 28 Registration date: 2008-08-22

i agrea you should write more

**sunbreath** · Moderator Number of posts: 1149 Age: 16 Registration date: 2008-07-16

sorry i haven't had time to write more. i'll edit it and then add some more. personally i thought i wasn't as good at writing. as for the speech your right they probably wouldn't say that. maybe i should use an ethereal? oh well. i should also expand my story line and make a good outline. but i hope to write more soon. but summer reading and school starting next week and camp has disrupted my ableness to write. my question is do you guys like the imperial commisar part of it just to show what the enemy is thinking?

Grey Imp. · Subject: Re: Shadow Strike Cadre- Death Incarnate Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:42 pm

It is good, but personally I think that the part with the commissar is a little confusing. It makes it seem like they are the heroes of the story. Also I agree that the tactical stuff is a little unnecessary. All you really need is a rousing speech, not technical stuff. Saying, "Oh, this city is just a lure" makes us think, "Eh, whatever," but when he's like "Our hammerheads will pound them into the dust! You will teacher them the glory of the Tau empire!" or whatever, It makes me think, "Alright, let's do something awesome!"